PLEASE Stop Calling My Daughter and I (Me*) Guys!

Bad habits

I think I might start a new American reality show. Maybe I call it “America’s Next Worst Habit”. Or how about, “So You Think You Have Good Manners?” But I’m not convinced anyone (present readers excluded, of course) would watch it.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Traveling my favorite state refreshed me with its breathtaking beauty (Highway 1 between San Luis Obispo and Monterey) and quaint oases (i.e. Balboa Island). And for the most part, we were greeted by helpful and friendly residents of gorgeous Orange County. But between eating out and easy access to cable TV (I admit to some HGTV indulgence) I could finance another vacation for every time someone addressed two or more people with, “You guys”.

I don’t always have a problem with this. When my husband and sons are with me and we’re driving through In-n-Out Burger the term does not make me cringe. And in a language and culture that has few words and less protocol to support the gender differences, I can intellectualize why the phrase has risen to prominence. But as lazy language and an unconscious message I can. not. stand. it.

It spilled over into one of my tea experiences last week. A server younger than the two women attending (myself included) called us and the two children attending (my daughter included) “You Guys” through the entire tea, as in “Would you guys like some more tea?” “Are you guys all finished?” “Can I get you guys anything else?”

When addressing my daughter and her cousin (ages 7 and 3) I wish she had said, “Would you GIRLS like some more tea?” And I’m wondering if my generation thinks the word “ladies” is akin to “ma’am” and only for women the generation beyond them? I don’t mind being called a lady. If you are serving women only, why not communicate respect and say, “Are you ladies finished?” And if you’re unsure, consider dropping the labels altogether. Say, “Can I get YOU anything else?” or “How did YOU like the chocolate cake?” You is perfectly acceptable use for addressing more than one person. Even a dear friend at a bridal shower of all women addressed them as “you guys” throughout the event. It’s our new bad habit and we no longer hear it. But it sounds as grating as inserting “like” into every other sentence used to be.

So now it’s your turn. Does it bother you? How do you like to be addressed? What do you like to be called? Do you find ‘girl’ derogatory and ‘lady’ old-fashioned? Are you a server? How do you address your customers? Do you think I’m being nit-picky?

Please leave a comment and tell us what you think.

* jk left a comment pointing out my gross grammar error in the title. Yes, I needed to use “me” as the direct object. Duh! In all fairness though, the post’s purpose was to discuss etiquette, not grammar, so I’m not convinced they can be directly compared.

Some Other Tea Links to Keep You Busy While I’m Gone

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Alice continues to share great information at Tea in My Cup, including this month’s Don’t Panic Tea (a personal favorite) and a helpful post on Tea for Large Groups. See her archives for the Don’t Panic Tea Plan.

Will you be taking part in the Global Tea Party on June 28th?

I think these butterfly touches would be welcome at a spring or summer tea party, don’t you?

I’ll be honest, this tea blog totally bugs me. If you’re really interested in why you can ask me. But I will let you know about the list of free tea reads Tea Guy Speaks gathered since I’m always willing to set aside irritation to help promote literacy!

Creme fraiche is one of my favorite indulgences and here’s a recipe for DIY.

Speaking of recipes, this dessert has become my “someone’s coming in a half hour and I want a little touch-of-something to go with our tea” recipe. Even this non-baker can whip them up in five minutes flat. I just keep butterscotch chips on hand.

Lastly, I wish I’d had known about this website last summer when I planned the Sea Spa Tea Party. If you need some inspiration for seaside ambiance, this might help.

High Tea Does Not Mean Gloves, Hats, and Curled Pinkies!

I shared this poem in May 2007 and wanted to repost it. This is still the most common misunderstanding about afternoon tea. Google sends me a daily email alert of all tea-related news stories. Community groups announce “High Tea” often. And those of you from the search engines, please take note!

High Tea vs Afternoon Tea

High Tea (essentially It’s Supper)
Beans on toast and leftover roast,
the last meal of the day.
Jeans and shirts, or comfy old skirts,
Slippers are quite okay.
Tea that’s black, the pot with a crack,
placemats for everyday.
Neighbors, mates, or long-standing dates:
Pets won’t be in the way.

 

Low Tea (Indubitably a Party)
aka: Afternoon Tea

 

Cakes and tart and scones shaped like hearts,
an afternoon affair.
Frocks and pearls topped with hats and curls,
Perfume applied with a flair.
Fine Earl Grey, a fresh bouquet,
The table set with care.
Invited guests (some dear, some pests).
Manners? Beyond compare!

Poems by J. Camille Korsmo. First appeared in Tea a Magazine Autumn 2005.
Reprinted with permission from the poet.

Did you ever call afternoon tea high tea? Please post a comment and let us know how you learned differently. Was it here?

Do You Want Personal Help with an In-Home Tea Party?

Did you know that you can host a tea party in your home with minimal work and cost through hosting a direct sales party with the company Set to a Tea? I recently had the chance to talk with Kathleen Rogers, the company’s founder. In this interview you will learn:

  • How Kathleen’s passion for afternoon tea led her to start a tea party-based business.
  • What Kathleen recommends for those wanting to replicate an afternoon tea experience in their home.
  • How simple it is to host a Set to a Tea party.
  • Why Set to a Tea could be your chance to earn some extra monthly income.

To listen just click on the arrow and adjust your computer’s volume.

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Do any of you have experience with Set to a Tea or any other direct sales tea party business? How did it go? Please leave a comment and let us know.

Anne Shirley Delights In The Victorian Tea

anne and friend

This guest post was written by Amy Puetz. A homeschool graduate, she loves history, sewing, and working as a computer graphic artist for her company A to Z Designs. In her spare time she enjoys traveling to different historical eras via books and movies! A columnist for Homeschool Enrichment Magazine, she also writes for her series of e-books, Heroines of the Past.

Visit her website at www.AmyPuetz.com.


“You can ask Diana to come over and spend the afternoon with you and have tea here.”

“Oh, Marilla!” Anne clasped her hands. “How perfectly lovely! You ARE able to imagine things after all or else you’d never have understood how I’ve longed for that very thing. It will seem so nice and grown-uppish. No fear of my forgetting to put the tea to draw when I have company. Oh, Marilla, can I use the rosebud spray tea set?”

“No, indeed! The rosebud tea set! Well, what next? You know I never use that except for the minister or the Aids. You’ll put down the old brown tea set. But you can open the little yellow crock of cherry preserves. It’s time it was being used anyhow-I believe it’s beginning to work. And you can cut some fruit cake and have some of the cookies and snaps.”

“I can just imagine myself sitting down at the head of the table and pouring out the tea,” said Anne, shutting her eyes ecstatically. “And asking Diana if she takes sugar! I know she doesn’t but of course I’ll ask her just as if I didn’t know. And then pressing her to take another piece of fruit cake and another helping of preserves. Oh, Marilla, it’s a wonderful sensation just to think of it.”

This scene from Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery is a good example of the importance of Victorian Tea Time. Tea time in Victorian society was usually a light meal eaten between breakfast in the morning and dinner in the evening. The typical hour was four o’clock. Drinking tea was not limited to one meal a day. It was also consumed at breakfast and dinner. During afternoon tea ladies would have cold meat, bread (such as rusk, crumpets, biscuits, etc.) and some kind of fruit (either preserves, stewed apples, or jellys). Traditionally either green or black tea was served. It was common to offer both if the preferred beverage was not known. Victorian ladies also enjoyed afternoon tea parties. Friends would be invited and tea time would be shared with a group.

Tea would be served with sugar and milk. For many families tea was the final meal of the day. Breakfast was eaten early, dinner was consumed at noon and then tea was in the late afternoon. There was great variety among individuals when lunch, dinner, supper, and tea were taken depending on a person’s wealth and work schedule. Although tea was a popular beverage before the Victorian era we get many of our traditions from them, such as the practice of having afternoon tea! Here are some good cookbooks about Victorian food.

To end I must tell you about Anne Shirley’s tea party. Before the actual tea Anne served Diana some raspberry cordial and Diana soon became very sick. Apparently it was currant wine and not raspberry cordial that Anne gave her guest. Perhaps she should have supplied tea, instead!

Tea Party Girl’s note: At what age did you first read Anne of Green Gables? Did you have a bosom friend in junior high? My kindred spirit was also red-haired and now makes movies for a living, having married an Italian filmmaker. She was definitely the Anne Shirley to my Diana Barry, with her rich imagination. Tell us about yours in the comments below.