If you’re anything like me, your hosting-for-the-holidays anxiety might begin in August.
Our reasons for anxiety might be different. Maybe yours involves family dynamics, money, other responsibilities, or just knowing you’re going to have to clean-the-house-for-real that causes you to fret.
Struggling with anxiety has been one of my lifelong battles. And having people over has been one of my lifelong loves. For the most part, the love has outweighed the battle and I’ve forged ahead. I’ve also learned a few things along the way that I think would helpful for others.
Tea Party Girl’s Keys to Hosting a Party with Less Anxiety
- Admit the part of entertaining you hate to do or just can’t. Are you hosting an event in your home this December? Is there a part you’re dreading? Then delegate it, cashing in on your resource of money or friendship and spend your time on the part you enjoy. This year I want to be much better about delegating the food for our events. The first year we lived in our current house was also my first year homeschooling. I had a two year-old and offered to host Thanksgiving for twenty-two people. What was I thinking?!
- Know when enough is enough. Yes, you might love the results of a perfectly clean home or every oak tree wrapped in white lights, but do you enjoy the process of getting there? Maybe not so much. For example, I couldn’t afford to pay anyone this year to deep-clean my home (spring-cleaning happens in November at The Wellspring) except the windows. So I dug in, delegating to the children some of it and conquering certain things that had to happen. I lasted four hours over two days. Yep, that’s it. Love the results, hate the process. Enough is enough.
- Fight for the part of your event that really matters to you. For example, I really, really, care how the house looks (enough candles and baubles will help cover what the didn’t get cleaned in those four hours). And colored flashing lights on the family tree remind me of neon lights in bars. But I have three children who still think cartoon snowman with tomato-red accessories are darling and love the colored lights. Now they know, Mom is the final authority in one room of the house. Buying $15 tiny trees for them to decorate themselves and put where they want (sans my one room) has saved me a tremendous amount of grief.
- Give yourself time to prepare. Preparing for hosting an event needs time. Even the most spontaneous and casual among us might have children or a husband that shouldn’t have to race around Cost-co on Christmas Eve. It’s a recipe for exhaustion (often resulting in sickness) and overspending when we don’t make time to prepare for our event. If one of your main jobs is homemaking, it’s a job that never goes away. In a culture of no servants, we still have to feed, clothe, and care for others during the stress of entertaining. So give yourself, even if it’s for your loved ones’ sake, time to prepare.
- Do not consider the time your guests arrive your deadline. I always try to be done with as much as possible the night before or at least two hours prior to when my guests are supposed to arrive. You need time to shower, get dressed, and relax before the last minute requirements. Examples of last minute requirements are lighting candles, filling water glasses, turning on the music and setting out the already prepared platters of food. Last minute requirements should almost never have to be cleaning the bathroom, baking, setting the table, or deciding what to wear.
So how about you? Do you struggle with being an anxious hostess? What lessons have you learned from your experiences? Any perspective you would like to add?
For many years, my husband absolutely hated when I decided to host anything at our home. I would get too anxious and keyed up. I had a problem with perfectionism. Too, I felt I had to do everything myself in order for it to be right.
Fortunately, I have grown a lot since those days.
This year, for the Christmas tea party that I am hosting, I rented a Community Building to accomadate the 50 ladies that I invited.
I also requested on the invitations that each person bring a finger food, a batch of their favorite home made cookies, and their own tea cup and saucer.
Basically, I am in charge of decorating, setting the tables,providing the beverages, providing the games, buying the prizes, and the clean up afterwards.
Allowing my guests to bring a finger food,and a batch of cookies will not only help save my budget, but will save me a lot of time as well.
Incidentally, I am awarding prizes for the best cookie recipe, and also for the 2nd and 3rd runners up. I am also giving a prize for the prettiest tea cup, and for the most unique one.
I have a couple of other games planned also that I think will be a lot of fun. I am wondering though at which point to introduce the games?
Suggestions?
~Rita~
I haven’t hosted anything in awhile, but I’d like to say that less is more. I’ve been to many gatherings where the hostess has burned herself out trying to fill every moment with activities and every inch of space with complicated snacks. I did this with my kids’ birthday parties in the beginning, but learned quickly that all I really needed was a cake and a place for my guests to sit and the party would take on a life of its own.
What a great idea – to not use the party start as a deadline but to set a deadline an hour or two ahead. My husband and I are usually running around at the last minute. To my exasperation, he is often showering as guests arrive! (Usually it is a casual birthday party, but still!) I am going to try this.
I am hosting our traditional Polish Wigilia (Christmas Eve) for around 40 people at my home. I clean and get the house ready, shop for appetizers, make some dessert, and my Mum takes care of the main course. It is not too stressful that way.
Oh! And I had to tell you in the closet waiting to be wrapped (and given to me on Christmas) is a small tea pot with a center basket for loose tea, and a starter order from SpecialTeas. I can’t wait!!
Wow, Rita! Can I come? ;-).
Good for you.
If the ladies don’t need to get up and move around for the games, I’d introduce them after they’ve had time to eat, gab, and gather, maybe an hour into your event. If they are voting on the cups, etc., announce it at the beginning. I always make brief announcements anyway after people gather and let people know the plan a little, for those personalities (like my own) who want to know.
I’m excited for you and your guests!
Yay, Beth!! Love hearing of your excitement. May your Christmas Eve be filled with comfort and joy all around.
Excellent addition, Marie. That is so true!
I love to host things! I find it fulfilling and exciting! But the main thing that can get me off course is my motives. If my motives are self centered or impure in a variety of ways, then I am anxious beforehand. Anxious? More like a monster with my children. However, if I want to bless others, if I want it to be about them and not me, if I love the type of function and the people invited, then I can be the “hostess with the mostess!” Also, I include my children in the process. We are raising them to understand what it means to serve others. Getting the house clean, especially the bathroom, will bless others. (or totally disgust them and make them feel sorry for us) (which is better?) It is always better to be a blessing. And yes, perfectionism had to go long before now. My main goal with cleaning is the floors, the dishes, all counters cleared off, all clutter piles thrown in a closet and kids OUTSIDE or at GRANDMA’s during the arrivals, because they all gawk and block and bother right at the door! tee hee
I have to be happy with what I have. If I am not content with this small trailer, or the many children squeezed in it, then surely it will come out during a hostessing venture.
Tally Ho and God bless!
Thank you SO MUCH for the encouragement to be a relaxed hostess. I starting feeling very anxious today about my first tea party tomorrow. I had delegated most of the food and am only having 5 or 6 ladies over, but I began to feel overwhelmed because it’s MY FIRST TEA PARTY. I’ve been trying to shake the jitters away, and your post has helped me to focus on the important things that need to be done. I’ll let you know how things go tomorrow.
I agree!
We also do small trees in each of the kids rooms so they can have them exactly as they like and it works well for us. Plus I think it adds to the excitement for them!
I once stressed over a baby shower I was hosting and spent 4 hours of crankiness and stress cleaning the bathroom until it was radiant.
During the babyshower not one person used the bathroom. Not one.
I got the hint.
We are planning a camping trip for this Christmas, but I have learned that I can never host the perfect party. So I will just do the best I can.
I included your article in the Carnival of Christian Women.
Great ideas! Especially #2.
Thanks for submitting to the Carnival of SAHMs!
This article has been published in the latest edition of Mom’s Blogging Carnival.
Wonderful site. A lot of useful information here. I am sending it to a few pals
ans also sharing in delicious. And naturally, thank you on your effort!