Or, here’s an even better title.
“Why I took a twelve-year old boy to The Nutcracker, but told the six-year old girl she couldn’t be in it.“
My six-year old danced in the womb. I’m not exaggerating. She skips and sings through life. And this is her first year officially taking dance. What a thrill when her class was asked to be the Bon-Bons in the local ballet production of The Nutcracker! She pranced home to give me the release form I needed to sign for her to participate. What mother would deny her only dancing daughter the chance to dress-up around all the ballerinas and participate in a live show during the most wonderful time of the year? Yep. That would be me.
She was the only child in her class that didn’t participate. For weeks she attended class where they practiced. She even got to go under the big skirt and learn the part. But don’t worry. I feel very sure she will not end up scarred emotionally or in need of therapy.
Because if we’d run around on the studio’s rehearsal schedule this time of year, with me needing to figure out costuming and stay backstage with her for hours on end for her to perform for 5 minutes three times in one weekend, I would be scarred emotionally and in need of therapy. And by the third child, I know there will be other opportunities, that if she’s really meant to dance, she will, etc., etc., etc.
But that’s only part of the picture. In my opinion, ballet is like tea. There’s a lot of mediocre and sometimes lousy product floating around. And because of that, it doesn’t receive the respect it deserves. You see, I’m all for exposing children to art. And I do think a neighborhood or school production works now and again. Too much lousy classical art though, and like tea people think that’s what the product is! If I’m going to make my children sit through a ballet, (or Shakespeare, which I’ve done as well) I want their exposure to be the best I can provide.
So our family said no to the local production of The Nutcracker this year, even though our daughter could have been in it. And today, despite our recent crazy schedule, we piled in the car at 8am (the crack-of-dawn for homeschooling families) with another family and headed down the hill to the big city version. They didn’t disappoint. The costumes and sets were professional and filled with color. The big city orchestra handled Tchaikovsky well with energetic pace. And with a large enough talent pool to draw on, everyone from the Sugar Plum Fairy to the Bon-Bons were on-pointe. With binoculars in hand from our seats in the Grand Tier, even my 9- and 12-year old boys enjoyed the performance.
I wish I’d had the funds to continue the experience down the street at Earl Grey Manor Tea Salon, with a little raspberry jam in our tea to honor the Russian composer. Earl Grey offers a Silk Road Tea Tasting which includes tea and food pairings from China, the Middle East, Russia, and South Africa, complete with a Samovar Tent, Gongfu Table and other appropriate settings. If you’re ever in the Sacramento area, you must be sure to stop by. But alas, this mother had shot her culture budget on the ballet and the students had minded their manners enough for one day. So, off to IN-N-OUT Burger we went instead. Maybe next time.
I’d go with In n’ Out anytime! I miss it!
Great post! My twins are also in their first year of dance, and were given the chance to participate in their studio’s “Velveteen Rabbit” production. We didn’t do it, though thankfully they never even knew they had the chance.
I was afraid that all that rehearsing in addition to their regular classes would burn them out on ballet before they ever got the chance to see what it was all about. They did enjoy the performance itself, which was quite lovely, and I probably will let them participate in a year or two (they are 7 now), but this year would have been too much, too soon, and I’m happy with the decision.
Thankfully, I wasn’t the only parent who made this decision – You are a brave woman to stay the course in the face of all that pressure.
I thought about taking my girls to see a fancy production of the Nutcracker, but by the time I looked up tickets, it would have cost $200. They are only 5 and 7 and with being in DC next year I feel sure they will have another opportunity to see the ballet.
Glad you got to go and enjoy!
Hi Jenny, This is a great site. We hope to see you soon at Earl Grey Manor.
I grew up in Sacramento, and to this day remember the few years that we went Downtown to see the Nutcracker for the holiday season. My five year old daughter is now in dance and loving it. I congratulate you for taking a stand for your daughter and your sanity. The pressure to have your children experience everything is hard to deal with. I know that they get overwhelmed, I do. I think we only saw the ballet three times in my young life, plays also (Music Circus is great!) but I think that it made them all more memorable for being so special and infrequent. The one play my daughter has seen, she loved, but even Cinderellla couldn’t hold her attention long. I am looking forward to the coming years as she grows to appreciate, and can sit through, the arts more. It is up to us parents to monitor the amount and quality of what they view, to encourage the next generation to love it as we do…
I am going to attempt to put this in a way as not to sound rude, but I believe not allowing your daughter to participate in the recital was very selfish on your part. I am a hard working mother of 3 and I have a full-time job. I have no one to help me and I work very hard to make sure my children are given wonderful opportunities. I may not enjoy the heat and sitting on bleachers all summer, but my son made the All-Star baseball team so I sacrifice time, comfort, and convenience to make sure he’s at every practice and every game. He is definitely getting tired of it because it has consumed his entire summer, but I teach my children to finish what they start. If he doesn’t want to play next year, then that’s perfectly fine with me, but it won’t be because I didn’t want the hassle. My 3 year old started dance last August and she has absolutely LOVED it!!! How could I tell her she could not be in the recital? Yes, it is a lot of work, but when you see your baby up on the big stage dancing her little heart out, you realize that it was completely worth it!!! I purchased her recital video and she has watched it everyday since the recital and cannot wait until dance starts again. I’m sure there are some parents who cannot follow through with recitals or All-Stars due to finances, which is understandable, but inconvenience? That, I don’t understand.
Not sure how I stumbled onto this but I completely agree with Jessica. I’m quite certain by the way you write that your daughter will need therapy.