Or, here’s an even better title.

“Why I took a twelve-year old boy to The Nutcracker, but told the six-year old girl she couldn’t be in it.“

My six-year old danced in the womb. I’m not exaggerating. She skips and sings through life. And this is her first year officially taking dance. What a thrill when her class was asked to be the Bon-Bons in the local ballet production of The Nutcracker! She pranced home to give me the release form I needed to sign for her to participate. What mother would deny her only dancing daughter the chance to dress-up around all the ballerinas and participate in a live show during the most wonderful time of the year? Yep. That would be me.

She was the only child in her class that didn’t participate. For weeks she attended class where they practiced. She even got to go under the big skirt and learn the part. But don’t worry. I feel very sure she will not end up scarred emotionally or in need of therapy.

Because if we’d run around on the studio’s rehearsal schedule this time of year, with me needing to figure out costuming and stay backstage with her for hours on end for her to perform for 5 minutes three times in one weekend, I would be scarred emotionally and in need of therapy. And by the third child, I know there will be other opportunities, that if she’s really meant to dance, she will, etc., etc., etc.

But that’s only part of the picture. In my opinion, ballet is like tea. There’s a lot of mediocre and sometimes lousy product floating around. And because of that, it doesn’t receive the respect it deserves. You see, I’m all for exposing children to art. And I do think a neighborhood or school production works now and again. Too much lousy classical art though, and like tea people think that’s what the product is! If I’m going to make my children sit through a ballet, (or Shakespeare, which I’ve done as well) I want their exposure to be the best I can provide.

So our family said no to the local production of The Nutcracker this year, even though our daughter could have been in it. And today, despite our recent crazy schedule, we piled in the car at 8am (the crack-of-dawn for homeschooling families) with another family and headed down the hill to the big city version. They didn’t disappoint. The costumes and sets were professional and filled with color. The big city orchestra handled Tchaikovsky well with energetic pace. And with a large enough talent pool to draw on, everyone from the Sugar Plum Fairy to the Bon-Bons were on-pointe. With binoculars in hand from our seats in the Grand Tier, even my 9- and 12-year old boys enjoyed the performance.

I wish I’d had the funds to continue the experience down the street at Earl Grey Manor Tea Salon, with a little raspberry jam in our tea to honor the Russian composer. Earl Grey offers a Silk Road Tea Tasting which includes tea and food pairings from China, the Middle East, Russia, and South Africa, complete with a Samovar Tent, Gongfu Table and other appropriate settings. If you’re ever in the Sacramento area, you must be sure to stop by. But alas, this mother had shot her culture budget on the ballet and the students had minded their manners enough for one day. So, off to IN-N-OUT Burger we went instead. Maybe next time.

My own personal reference librarian, my mother of Teaching Tea, pointed me to a child’s tea set the company confirms is safe for use. With so many toy recalls this year, and the stores filled with so many items, “Made in China”, it can be difficult to know you’re making a wise choice.

Thanks to three safety tests listed ‘passed’ on the packaging, and a follow-up phone call to the company, choosing a Schylling tea set is your best bet for holiday shopping. They are “Made in China”, but the Massachusetts family-run business vouches for their safety.

With lots of darling sets to choose from, I’m sure you’ll find one for the little girl or boy in your life.

Children delight in the tea party. They fill their plastic tea sets with tap water, throw a few goldfish crackers on the plates, and invite every friend and animal (stuffed or not) to the event. My favorite part of those early tea parties with my children included trying to fit in the little chairs they provided!

Therefore, it’s not surprising that many of my new visitors to Tea Party Girl are looking for information to throw their children a “real” tea party. It’s a favorite theme for birthday parties and the holidays are a particularly special time for such an event. Paired with a performance of Tchaikovsky’s Nutcracker and a pair of patent leather shoes, the children’s holiday tea party can transport any tomboy or girl to The Kingdom of Sweets.

The secret to the child’s tea party is to keep it simple. This is Tea Party Girl’s advice. Keep it small (eight guests is plenty!) and consider age appropriateness. My daughter’s first tea party with guests her age took place when she was four. Even then, some mothers stayed one-on-one with their child while the little ones navigated tea, sugar, milk, and chocolate-covered strawberries.

Personally, I think 6-9 year-olds are the best age group to introduce to the tea party, especially with a group of their peers. You can offer it to a younger crowd, of course, but be prepared for the attention-span to be short. You might be surprised how little time they actually sit down to tea!

The highlights of the tea party for children are:

1. what they wear.
2. what they eat.
3. what they drink out of.

Stick to the highlights. Especially if the crowd is younger, you will need to plan some crafts and activities. The best option is to pair a craft with what they wear. Teddy Bears and Tea Cups on Balboa Island in California, for example, provides beads and pipe-cleaners to give the girls a chance to make bracelets and necklaces. At my daughter’s tea parties, we’ve decorated hats the girls then wore. Encourage the guests to wear their favorite dress-up clothes or party dresses, depending on what you plan to do. Or raid your local thrift store for all sparkly, gauzy, or “poofy” accessories like scarves or boas.

If your guests DO wear their best party dresses, you may want to skip the chocolate-covered strawberries. Instead, think small, simple (and pink!). Make the food petite such as:

• small sandwiches cut with cookie cutters
• petit-four cakes
• tiny ice cream scoops rolled in sprinkles
• little colorful candies in little baking cups
• mini muffins or tarts

A simple touch includes adding garnishes of fresh flowers and fruit. Keep it small! Fix up a plate for each child with these special nibbles ahead of time. Then they won’t have to reach for anything, minimizing spills.

Finally, I recommend providing children real plates, teacups, and linens. Expose their senses to beauty and move beyond the practicality of plastic and paper tableware. They will love drinking from real teacups. (And with enough cream and sugar, real tea!). Go ahead and add the beauty of beautiful classical music from Mozart or Bach. It’s amazing how much children respond to real art and beauty. Often the dumb-downed version is just excess noise.

Providing tea parties for children can also be a lucrative business and niche in the tea culture. Many local tea rooms provide this service or can recommend someone who does. If you are involved in a children’s tea party related business, would you leave a comment and tell us about it? (One of you did a few days ago, and for some reason I can’t find your info. Please feel free to leave it again). What would be your one piece of advice for someone throwing a tea party for children?

And if you still have questions after reading this post about the children’s tea party, please feel free to ask it in the comments as well.

Anyone hosting a holiday tea for children this year?

Do you remember the scene in Finding Neverland when Peter Pan asks the question? Who claps the soonest with great vigor? It’s the grandmother, the one who disdained J.M. Barrie’s childlikeness, the one whose frown was permanently etched on her face from taking on so many responsibilities. But now she was losing her daughter and desperately needed to believe. And the door of wonder opened for her ever so slightly.

I never used to believe in fairies. Though only in my 20s, the frown crease in the middle of my forehead was already fixed. Life was about responsibility, external morality, and tight time management. I forgot wonder and how to relax. And my body and soul paid the price.

Many, many circumstances altered the course my life was taking. I’ve written more of this story in detail already, if you’re interested. But like the grandmother in Finding Neverland, once I understood opening my heart to wonder would help heal the pain, I clapped loud and vigorously.

It continues to take me by surprise, however, the hard work involved to stay open to receive the gifts of simple beauty. Circumstances and stress push in, crowd out, and multiply like the dust under my couch. Just this week my family’s dealt with poison oak, sleeplessness caused by headgear, dental extractions, and a lost election, just to name a few. A friend experienced her first surgery, a double mastectomy, knowing this is only the beginning of the process. Fires rage in my beloved state. The phone rings, the dishes pile, the traffic’s detoured and now we’re late. Push. Crowd. Squelch. Fairies? Wonder? Enchantment? Pfft…

But this world IS enchanted. Children know it. Spring always comes. And what a thrill my soul tasted when I finally understood adult responsibility didn’t mean a life of no wonder, but a life of preserving it~for my sake, my loved ones’ sake, and those my path crosses, including yours. It’s not a belief that ignores suffering and avoids stress at all cost, but always holds out the hope that it’s not the end of the story.

Are you struggling to believe in fairies; that there’s more to this life than what you immediately perceive? I suggest you stop right now and brew yourself a pot of tea. Take it to your outside, wherever that is, and breathe in…deeply. Listen for the wonder.

It’s there…waiting…